User Profile

I have an opinion on everything. Whether you see that as good or very bad is up to you. I am not "politically correct" because I won't sugar coat the truth. I will think what I think independent of what others do. I will SAY what I think when asked or provoked. I've learned that saying it in any and every situation isn't worth it. I learned that and a lot of other things the hard way. Many things, I've admittedly learned the easy way. I am thankful for that.

I realize the pain in my life but I also realize the joy. I know that knowledge and understanding do not strictly come from hard times and trials, but sometimes they do.

I love who I am, flawed as I am and wouldn't change myself for the world.

God has blessed me with an awesome family who love me unconditionally, a few close friends who are always there for me, and a guy who is (as cheezy as it is) my other half.

I'm in Love. It's not the fairytale that I dreamed of as a little girl, but it's just as good. There are times when I cry and times when I have no idea what he is thinking (much less what I am thinking). Those times fade away though because there are MORE times that I go to sleep with a smile on my face and times that I can't believe how blessed I am to have him. We are apart more than we are together because of his job (he's a Marine...ehem, MY Marine) and soon an ocean and a blasted desert will separate us. I haven't really determined HOW I'm going to survive those seven months, I just know that I will. I love him with all of my heart and I thank God for him every chance I get.

I love to write, I love to read, I love to act. I enjoy Art in general--fine and performing.

God has given me the challenge (and the gift) of a finely tuned mind and an iron will. I want to do something great, and I have a feeling those two things will help a little.

I love to give and to love on people, I hate it when people take advantage of me. Because of that, I don't take advantage of other people--it's just scummy. I have alot of pride in who I am and what I stand for. I will do what I think is right regardless of what comes from it. Sinking back into the crowd and pretending like everything is fine, when it's NOT, is something I can barely comprehend. Like many other things, this is good but it also could (does) get me into a lot of trouble sometimes. It also gets on people's nerves quite a bit.

A very common misconception about me (and I know it is so don't deny it): Just because I don't agree with/approve of somthing you choose to do, doesn't mean I hate you. It doesn't mean I think I'm better than you. I'm not. I have friends that do lots of crap that I can't stand, stuff that I think is ruining their life. But I love them. I love them for who they are, not what they do. I still think what they do is wrong, and don't support it in any way, but I love THEM. In the same way, people love me when they don't agree with me. Seee? I'm not the way you thought. You say "don't judge", swallow those words and put them to use.

I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. That includes talking too much. I know I do it, I've always known, I've tried a million time to cut it out but I can't. I've gotten better I think though, depending on the situation. I think I just have a lot to say.

I'm really outgoing but loneliness kind of crushed that for awhile (in high school). Not loneliness as in "I'm a single female" loneliness, I don't even think I gave that a thought (most of the time). Loneliness as in feeling that you have no one to vent to, tell awesome news to, no one to hang out with. Surrounded by people but no one who sees you. When I saw (thousands of times a day it seemed) people running up to other people, friends laughing (or even crying) together. It made me smile at the companionship but the smile always faded when I looked around and realized I was alone. I felt that way for too long and no one ever saw it. I barely saw it at first either. I can at least say that I'm self-sufficient now because of it. I'm not one of those girls who goes to the bathroom in a group...or even in a pair for that matter. I don't need anyone to hold my hand because for so long there was no one who did. That's liberating but also depressing.

I like to grin and bear it. Minus the grin sometimes. I have trouble asking for help (always have) and even more trouble accepting it. If I do, I always feel like I'm copping out. I think it's because so many kids abuse help anymore. Like in school, kids cheat left and right. They get extended time or other accomadations even when they don't need them. How do you think that affects those of us who actually NEED that? PISSED OFF in my case. How could someone DO that and sleep at night. Anyway, I can't, won't accept help sometimes because I don't want to be one of those kids. The bad thing is, because of scumbag kids like that, I even feel guilty accepting help that I NEED. Iron will, there are two sides to every coin.

I SUCK at lying because I hate it. I hate to be lied to, I hate lying. I like the truth, I always want to know the truth, bad or good. Never expect me to lie to you, I won't. You want a straight answer, come to me.

Generally, I hang on the balance between "Brutally honest, immovable, dry, sarcastic" and "Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, cuteness, I coloritize EVERYTHING". Kind of a weird mix right. Oh, well. I didn't do it on purpose, it who I am. The weird thing is that neither of them are fronts, I feel genuine about both things. I may own a firearms license and belong to the NRA, but my gun is cute. I promise. ^_^

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